[Column] Chioma Nnani: The God Business in Nigeria
Nigerian weather can be a female dog … no, seriously. Between trying not to set myself up for an asthmatic attack and trying to actually work, it's been a tad difficult to concentrate on certain things. Like trying to placate a dog – but you're not really sure whether it's growling because it's in heat, or just really angry.
The other thing that I find difficult – nay, impossible – to grasp is the obsession of the average Nigerian with religion. The thing has infected every aspect of life, including business. Unfortunately the prevalence of religion is directly disproportionate to the manifestation of decent or even common sense business practices.
I mentioned earlier – I think it was in a publicity interview – how I will back out of any deal where any soul dares mention god/Jesus/any religious variation. In my experience (and that of many others), the mention of a deity or its representative is merely a prelude to cheating. That may sound harsh, but it is what it is. The average Nigerian is pathologically incapable of being serious about things that should be taken seriously. To bring this into business is just insulting.
So the other day I had to recruit for some roles. Now, the thing about me is that I lack the ability to be unimpressed by titles and letters. Therefore unless it's a position where the job description is directly related to a particular course of study, chances are that my eyes will glaze over when you try to tell me about the First Class degree you obtained from some fancy institution. Unless that is directly related to how you intend to carry out a task in the here and now, you have morphed into a boring creature who is trying to bug me with utterly useless information. That is why when I recruit, I ask questions related to the reason that there is a vacancy in the first place. That is the reason that “by god's grace” can never help anyone score a position with me; just ain't gonna happen.
As part of the recruitment process, I had asked some people to answer some problem questions – questions that required them to actually use their brains, show me that they possessed that wonderful thing known as 'initiative'. Questions that they wouldn't find on any of the exams they had written in school, so they couldn't do the copy-and-paste thing. The responses I received ranged from the ridiculous to the I-swear-this-person-just-escaped-from-an-asylum variety. One had the nerve to tell me they would wow me with their response by the deadline, then miss the deadline, contact me 24 hours after the deadline to tell me that their religious beliefs did not permit them to answer the question (one would have thought I asked them to commit a crime), just before asking me to consider them for any other vacancies! Then, there were these other ones who expected me to allow them proceed to the next stage because of the 'grace of god'!
The thing about the average Nigerian is that their laziness has trapped them under the delusion that that 'grace' covers business mess-ups. It does not. I don't even know what religion has to do with business. If you don't know how to do something, you don't. Stop wasting people's time by bringing religion into it; that is insulting and should actually be criminal.
Chioma Nnani is an award-winning author, who also contributes to business, lifestyle and literary publications. One of Africa's most fearless storytellers, she is a two-time UK BEFFTA (Black Entertainment Film Fashion Television and Arts) Award nominee and a DIVAS OF COLOUR 2016 finalist, who lives in Abuja, runs THE FEARLESS STORYTELLER HOUSE EMPORIUM LTD, can be reached on @ChiomaNnani and blogs at www.fearlessstoryteller.com
